I never reflected on 2008 and I've decided I'm not going to. All I can really think about is that I was just one big fucking asshole and one big disappointment to myself and, more importantly, other people. And that is basically it in a nutshell. I did, however, have a lot of fun. I'll never forget the memories I made in 2008. The times I had. I'll never forget any of it. I finish my winter class this Friday. Still jobless. I applied for another hospital position (as a transporter--pushing people around in wheelchairs) and I need to call Teaberry's and see if they are hiring. I have no real motivation to get anything done anymore. My bank account has been fluctuating, and I'm not worried. Bryan took my car to work today to change my oil and inflate my tires. So, today I get the Jeep. Currently cleaning up my C drive and I'll probably watch more TV shows after that. I've been watching Dexter and more recently Californication, which is superb. I'm really happy with Showtime shows. Does anyone have Weeds? My head is killing me and all I want to do is take a nap, but I promised Bryan I'd wait for him to come home from work. Spring classes start soon. It won't be warm for three or four more months. I miss summer so badly. I miss staying up late and driving around all night or riding my bike all night. I miss seeing people. I miss having friends. Losing touch with people is such a shitty feeling. Still stuck in Flemington. My plans for Temple/Philly are pushed to Spring 2010. I'll apply this summer for that semester. Everything is happening so slowly. The process of finishing school, the process of applying to a new school, the process of finding a job, the process of winter. It's all one big process that is taking too much time. I'm so impatient. Lately I have been feeling so physically far away from my thoughts, especially when I lay in bed at night. It makes me feel nauseous because I literally feel like I am flying above my thoughts, unable to put my feet on the ground. To wrap my mind around them. It's so hard to explain. It makes me feel panicky, to say the least. The other night I felt like this and started thinking about the prospect of life after death. I am godless. I don't believe in an afterlife. Death is nothingness. It is similar to a womb-like state. No recollection of anything. But that thought was paralyzing me completely. Stopping me in my tracks. I felt two different waves of sickness and almost had to go to the bathroom to vomit. In the morning I felt better and at peace. What the fuck? Who cares, though, really. I've said it once and I'll keep saying it--nothing fucking matters. I have a really good fortune on my keyboard... "Actions speak louder than talks." I like that. It is completely irrelevant to everything I just said before, but I like it. Okay, bye.