I'd like to write a few letters. If you'd like one, comment with your address?

I feel so tired. So run down. Old college try.

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Also:

Listen, everything I love I will devour
and bury the bones down in the snow.
Put me in a beat up El Camino.
Just let me go, just let me go.

Money hungry lately. This new mentality makes me feel sick and sad. I just keep thinking about the family, the white picket fence, the 6-figure salary...who cares? Been thinking about not pursuing an education degree at all. Why be a humble educator when I could be making MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! It just makes me sad, sad, sad. I know I'll get out of this phase. I know I'll do the right thing. But I am already thinking about saving for my fucking retirement! Where do I get off? We may grow up and get lost in it all.

Went through a box of old notes and letters the other night. Weird reading through them. Letters from people I'll surely never talk to again, people I'll surely never see again, people I'll surely never love again. And you just let it all go. I didn't recycle them. They aren't going to come back again. I'll internalize them; sit in a landfill. Or I'll just forget about it all together; burn up in an incinerator. It's hard letting things go, but you do. You do and you open up new chapters in your life and you just have to keep moving on. And that's that.