I used to think the factory on 95, heading toward Philadelphia, was beautiful. The way the lights and smoke looked at night mesmerized me. Now when I drive past, it only reeks of acetone. It stings my nostrils, forcing me to hold my breath. It's not beautiful anymore. It's ugly. I'm going to start writing in my tangible journal again. I've missed it.

I'm going to Rome with Bryan from December 3rd to the 9th. we got flight vouchers from my step mom, so the airfare is totally free. It was just a scramble to find open flights. so, Rome. Why not? I'm excited.

I keep getting real stressed about school, schoolwork, future schooling. Bucks officially closed, so I'm unemployed, too. Met with an advising counselor at RV to talk about Temple shit. It didn't help. I just have to call, book a tour date, and talk to some people, I guess. Feeling kinda shitty. I might be stuck in Flemington for another year, afterall. My dad lost an obscene amount of money in stocks and my college fund took a hit. I'm determined to go, though. I can take loans out for my undergrad studies. Some schools pay teachers to go back and get their Masters...that is an option. That has to be an option. Things with Bryan are going really well. 2 month was two days ago. Time is flying. I love Philly. Marlie's moving there this Wednesday. 11th and Spring Garden. I can't go in to see her place til Thursday or Friday, though. I'm so beat. I am having trouble falling asleep at night because I keep thinking about all the fucking reading homework I have to do. I can't get on top of shit. I'm really stressing over math. Remedial math and I am struggling so badly. If I fail any of the mods, I am totally screwed. This is such a bullshit entry. I haven't updated this thing in such a long time. I don't write in my moleskine anymore. I want to, but I feel weird writing happy shit in it for a change. I don't know what I'm saying. Time to go to class. Heroes tonight. I need to find a job. I'll write something happier later.

life is good.

summer is almost over. everyone's leaving and it is making me feel really lonely and jealous. lindsay and i went to the RVCC orientation last night and it was pretty much bullshit. i'm not excited for school to start, but i'm trying to be. i'm trying to be excited about this next year, because after that i'm going to philly. i'm trying. i've got a new boy and he is spectacular and i feel happy. i'm feeling really weird tonight. i think i'm going to go to bed. i have work tomorrow at 1, but i need to wake up early to go dress shopping for my stepbrother's wedding on september 13th. i ordered a bike the other night, but it won't ship until september 15th. i feel so weird. melancholy. please talk to me.

They warn you about killers and thieves in the night
I worry about cancer and living right
But my momma never warned me about my own destructive appetite

summer's been good. lately I've been spending a lot of time in Philly. I can't go to RV for two years. there is no fucking way I'm staying here. I haven't noticed until now. Flemington is pretty beat. I am pretty beat. time for sleep. I'm truly happy for the first time in awhile.