I never reflected on 2008 and I've decided I'm not going to. All I can really think about is that I was just one big fucking asshole and one big disappointment to myself and, more importantly, other people. And that is basically it in a nutshell. I did, however, have a lot of fun. I'll never forget the memories I made in 2008. The times I had. I'll never forget any of it. I finish my winter class this Friday. Still jobless. I applied for another hospital position (as a transporter--pushing people around in wheelchairs) and I need to call Teaberry's and see if they are hiring. I have no real motivation to get anything done anymore. My bank account has been fluctuating, and I'm not worried. Bryan took my car to work today to change my oil and inflate my tires. So, today I get the Jeep. Currently cleaning up my C drive and I'll probably watch more TV shows after that. I've been watching Dexter and more recently Californication, which is superb. I'm really happy with Showtime shows. Does anyone have Weeds? My head is killing me and all I want to do is take a nap, but I promised Bryan I'd wait for him to come home from work. Spring classes start soon. It won't be warm for three or four more months. I miss summer so badly. I miss staying up late and driving around all night or riding my bike all night. I miss seeing people. I miss having friends. Losing touch with people is such a shitty feeling. Still stuck in Flemington. My plans for Temple/Philly are pushed to Spring 2010. I'll apply this summer for that semester. Everything is happening so slowly. The process of finishing school, the process of applying to a new school, the process of finding a job, the process of winter. It's all one big process that is taking too much time. I'm so impatient. Lately I have been feeling so physically far away from my thoughts, especially when I lay in bed at night. It makes me feel nauseous because I literally feel like I am flying above my thoughts, unable to put my feet on the ground. To wrap my mind around them. It's so hard to explain. It makes me feel panicky, to say the least. The other night I felt like this and started thinking about the prospect of life after death. I am godless. I don't believe in an afterlife. Death is nothingness. It is similar to a womb-like state. No recollection of anything. But that thought was paralyzing me completely. Stopping me in my tracks. I felt two different waves of sickness and almost had to go to the bathroom to vomit. In the morning I felt better and at peace. What the fuck? Who cares, though, really. I've said it once and I'll keep saying it--nothing fucking matters. I have a really good fortune on my keyboard... "Actions speak louder than talks." I like that. It is completely irrelevant to everything I just said before, but I like it. Okay, bye.

even a smart girl can end up
with a bomb strapped to her chest

Still unemployed. Still cold. Headaches. 3-7 hours of math problems every day for two weeks. Missing friends. Repeated letdowns, which I'm really the cause of. Stuck in Flemington. The only thing I feel proud of is having a GPA of 3.87 my first semester. Made the Dean's List. RV is so lonely sometimes. Maybe it won't feel so empty when it's warmer. Bryan's coming over tonight. We're going to make pancakes, lay in bed, and watch Dexter. My mom is watching something on Oprah about spirituality. For some reason I can't help but feel like it's some kind of cop-out. I've never considered myself spiritual. I don't know what I'm saying, really. I've been feeling even more cynical than usual lately. Still unemployed. Still cold. Headaches.

bit by the cold of December, I'm warm beside your smile.

Finished reading Camus' The Plague tonight and just finished the term paper for it. I have to prepare for my English final tonight. Tomorrow I need to write another paper (for my World Civ. final) and study for my math final. I want this week to be over. I want winter break so badly. I am 95% sure that I got a job at Hunterdon Medical Center as a Registrar in the Radiology Department. I'll be making a minimum of $12/hr. I went for an interview, met the staff, and the woman said I'd be getting a call soon. We'll see.

Rome was awesome and it is a little unfortunate to be home already, but it's really okay. I read a 220 pg. book on the plane ride home, just in time for my night class. Had to drive Bryan's car to class because my brakes have failed? Hopefully that will get fixed tomorrow. I just wrote a paper for English. I still have to write notecards out for a presentation. Tomorrow I have to finish reading another book, and write a paper for that, too. Hopefully I can make up my math test, too. What a bad week to go away. Very worth it, but shitty right before finals.
I need winter break so badly. I know I have a winter session course, but it is still a break. Spring semester classes are Intro to Psych, Intro to Sociology, Global Patterns of Racism, Number Systems, and English II. I was thinking about taking a science class, but I don't know if I'll feel like doing all that work when it's warm out (yikes.) I'm taking intro classes because I know they will transfer out when it's time to leave RV. Hopefully I'll be out and into Temple by Spring 2010 semester. It seems so far away :(
I have a job interview at Hunterdon Medical Center this Thursday at 11am for the Registrar position in the Radiology department. I sincerely hope I get that job because Rome put a big dent in my bank account. Thursday afternoon/evening I'm going to my dad's to help him decorate his Christmas tree. After that, I am heading to Philly and not returning to Flemington until Sunday. This weekend will consist of...Kingdom Buffet, banana splits, bruschetta, Bryan, Brian, staying warm, other friends, emailing teachers, studying for finals...hopefully my car will be fixed. It's almost 1am. I still have to finish homework and take a shower. Planes make me feel so dirty. Bryan is sleeping next to me right now. My left leg is under his body and it is so warm. I feel happy.
I'll upload a few pictures from Rome here within the next few days hopefully. The rest will go on Flickr. I meant to send out postcards, but the day I went to do it was a holiday. Everything closed early and the self-stamping machines weren't on. So, I have postcards with me. I know it's not that fun to just be handed a postcard...but it's the best I could do. They're all filled out and everything. I am just wasting time now. Bye bye.