I like this. slam poetry is spectacular.



and this. this song.

today is Super Tuesday. I have blisters on my hands from drumming in Rock Band. I can't think of anything interesting to say, really, other than that I'm disappointed in my Lit class. I'm probably too pretentious, but everything we are learning is redundant for me and I feel like I am at such a higher reading level than most of the kids in my class. my teacher isn't very interesting (or nice), but it's too late to drop the class for something else. there are so many classes at Central that I'll never have the chance to take. today they passed out the Program of Study for next year, but I didn't get one. there is no next year! I applied to RV the other day, to get it out of the way. now I have to wait to get the packet in the mail, take my placement tests, meet with a counselor, and pick my classes for the fall semester. I'm excited for that. I am. I like high school, but I'm really sick of all the people in it. I like learning, but I need to mature academically. this afternoon I took a nap, and I had a dream where I was hiding from Brad Pitt, because he was sent to kill me. I was at the Johnson Road house, and it was very comforting. I also realized that I always dream in color. okay, time for bed.

still awake at 2:30am. I just finished a research paper. my room smells like dirt. this may be the messiest it has ever been. maybe I'll get around to it this week. time for a shower. today (the 14th) is my one year with Corey. what a long time! and I'm still madly in love.

you want to track each trickle back to its source and then scream up the faucet until your face is hoarse because you're surrounded by a world's worth of things you just can't excuse.

i need to focus on making a difference locally or something. i want to mend relationships and feel good here and now and stop thinking about everything else. it's gotten to the point where i feel physical pain because of it. all i can think about are corporations and people dying and people buying more and more shit and me driving my car and not even understanding any of it and just being another cog in the machine and i think about maquiladoras and the women working in them and i just want to hold them and tell them it's going to be alright and that they don't have to be taken advantage of anymore but there is no way. there is no solution for anything. in ap human geography we talk about the gender distribution crisis in china and there is no solution. why can't things ever just be in black or white? it's been so hard over the past year or longer. it's so hard to find joy in shit when you realize everything else going on. i want to keep learning and fill my brain even more but it really just hurts so badly. my dad said i need to drop out. not out of school, but out of society. i don't know how to make myself feel better. i can't see the brighter side. i feel completely helpless. knowing that i can't escape this fucking place and these places and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. and here i am, posting an entry on a blog. wasting energy. i can't help but support the things i want nothing to do with. is there a way to boycott planet earth? please, tell me if there is a way to feel better.

I didn't go to school, because it was bad outside and I'd rather sleep, too. I haven't shaved my legs or armpits in a very, very long time, but I have to for the wedding. Let down. I'd like to spend today at the library, but the thought of going up Rt. 12 right now makes me queasy. I'm getting a haircut today, but but but. I have big fake nails and I can't wait for Saturday night when I can rip them off one by one. This is a stupid entry. See The Corporation. Stop having weird dreams, Mollie.

I got a 99% on my Classical World research paper. In AP Human Geography, my teacher said my research paper was outstanding and the best student paper he's read so far at Central (which has only been two years, but ya know). He even announced it to the class and said he probably couldn't write a paper like that. Okay.

Laure fired Dennis today on the spot. Corey came over and we drank Raspberry Sangria loose leaf tea. We had nice teacups and nice biscuits and danced to nice Christmas music. Tomorrow I'm going to the Met all day for Classical World. It's only nine, but I am going to sleep now. I wish I could stop being so sleepy and unmotivated all the time. Today this kid in my geography class said he wants to learn Arabic in order to "manipulate the enemy." Great, man.